Don't blame yourself
by mrs peeta mellark 2.0
Summary: Maya is falling Apart since Cams Suicide. She hates him. She loves him and wants him back. Shes loosing herself in her grief. What Happens when Eli comes across the Angry and sad girl headed down the same road he had ended up on?


**So, My first Degrassi Fic I've watched it since I was 12 back when Manny found out she was pregnant. BUT I didn't watch it every week that started in grade 10 When Eli came into the show I was the same age as Clare SO I LOVE Eli and Clare. Anyways Enjoy!**

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She was sitting at the park crying. The only place she could do so. She was still mad at him. But she missed him more then anything. She tossed a rock into the road. ''That one was for killing yourself!'' She said bitterly.'' She tossed another one. That one was for not telling me!''. She felt someone sit down beside her. She looked up at him.

''Maya right?''. He said to her. She gave him a confused look. The retention came on to her face. Eli Goldsworthy. She had herd Rumors about him. That he used to drive a hearse.

''You directed the school play''. was all she felt she could say. She could see his girlfriend sitting on a bench across from them. He smiled.

''I'm sure you know more interesting things about me, like that I drove a hearse into a wall so my girlfriend would love me''. He said.

''Yeah I have but I wasn't going to mention it''. She said. ''That would be tactless''.

''Nobody else here has tact,'' he sighed. I'm now known as they guy who found the dead kid''.

''You found him?'' She said paling a little.

''Yeah.'' he said nodding.

'How are you?'' She asked. Man if there was one person who was in deeper then her it was him. ''That had to be really tough.''

''Pretty messed up''. he admitted. ''What about you though? It had to be harder on you then anyone.''

''I'm mad at him, and I miss him and I hate him and I love him''. She said. ''How will I EVER move on?'' The tears now flowed down her cheeks like crazy. ''I'm sorry, she wiped her eyes''. He paused not sure what to say.

''I think you can Maya''. he said. ''How old are you?''

''Fourteen''. she replied. He shook his head.

'' I was fourteen when my first girlfriend died''. he said.

''How did you cope?'' She asked.

''I didn't''. he answered. ''Not till I came to Degrassi and even then I was still messed up about it''.

''How are you about it now?'' Maya asked. He sighed.

''I still care for Julia, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. But I have Clare. I love Clare.'' He looked over at the girl watching them and Smiled. ''The thing is Maya I can't blame myself, because a guy drove drunk and hit her while she was riding away from me, on her bike after a fight.''

''I'm so sorry''. She said. ''But its all my fault hes gone''.

He paused and looked at the girl who was still crying. ''Maya there sounds like there was A LOT going on with Cam. Whatever happened between you two just added to it. It didn't cause it that means it WASN'T your fault. It was HIS he was the one who took the knife to his arm. I don't want you going around blaming yourself It almost killed me.'' She looked at him he knew how she felt.

''I don't know if i'll ever fall in love again''. she said through her tears. ''I can't leave Cam''.

'I used to think so too. He said '' I thought If I ever dated another girl it would be a betrayal to said. Putting his hand on her shoulder. ''She would have wanted me too. Just like, I think Cam would have wanted for will take time though''. Eli Smiled at Clare. ''I met Clare and I fell for her FAST. It TERRIFIED me So I turned her away. Then when we did started dating. I went too far the other way, as the day of Julia's death got closer and closer, I held on to Clare tighter and tighter. She pulled farther and farther. Till I was driving my car into a wall for her''.

''Wow If all those kids who say your crazy only knew they wouldn't make fun of you''. She said.

''I think your right''. He said. ''Grieve Maya, don't wallow all through life though.''. She nodded.

''Are you okay since you found him?'' He shook his head.

'I'll need some time as well, he was so young''. She nodded. It was then that a girl appeared. She motioned for Maya to come home. Maya got up.

''I should go''. She gave him a hug. ''Thanks Eli feel better.'' She ran off to meet her sister.

''You too Maya'' He called. She turned around and waved. Eli went back to his girlfriend who smiled.

''What did you tell her?'' She asked.

''Just gave her some advice''. He said.

''I love you so much''. Clare said kissing him. That summer When Adam was killed Maya said a prayer for Eli cause she knew he had already lost a girl he loved. Now he had lost his best friend.


End file.
